Ernst Funck, Senatorial Candidate Wrigley’s Personal Aide

Ernst, an idealistic young conservative, takes a dream job on
Rex Wrigley’s Senatorial campaign after being fired for insubordination
from his first real  job. Baby-faced Ernst has an authority problem.

The campaign is a series of embarrassing (and funny) disasters
resulting from Rex’s lack of self-control. Ernst tries to take control and
drive Rex to a win in spite of himself. Hard-knuckled opponent Clyde
Hoogendyck and his jolly campaign manager “Two-Tees” Matthews
believe that God helps those who help themselves.

Ernst experiences failure and tastes success before the story is ended.

“Wriggly Rex” Wrigley, Candidate for U.S. Senate

Conservative candidate Wrigley is a skilled, intuitive manipulator and a charming and persuasive negotiator.While he can be charming and intelligent, Rex turns out to be Ernst’s antagonist, an alcoholic lecher, or a lecherous alcoholic, depending on the time of day and, to a lesser extent, the company.

As the campaign careens erratically through a series of catastrophes, Ernst observes that if Rex commanded a National Guard troop, he would make summer camp on the Little Big Horn and be ambushed by a pack of Oglala Sioux cub scouts re-enacting Custer’s Last Stand.

The conflict between Rex and Ernst continues until the last page.

Porky Hamm, Campaign Strategist

Dick “Porky” Hamm is a scrappy fireplug gone to fat, with shrewd little eyes and a belligerent manner. A sharp dresser, Porky wears expensive, dark pinstripe suits and always smells of waxed leather and musky cologne.

Porky may be a two-faced, treacherous opponent, but he and his darling eight-year-old daughter spend their weekends cheering up sick kids in hospitals.

Porky is pathologically competitive. He and Ernst clash at their first meeting and their competitive fires never abate.”Winning is all that counts,” Porky says, “Nobody remembers losers.”